when I'm not with you everything just looks like crayon scribble
im letting my talent of no gag reflex go to waste
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
I wish our county sheriff had a comment section for their mugshots.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
you never know when your going to find a surprise from me in your bed...it keeps you on your toes.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
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