Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Would I be crazy if I drove 1,000 miles for some dick? What mile does it become ridiculous?
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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