I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
Just got done reading an 11 page essay for class. Took me three fucking days and the only thing I have highlighted is the name "Alexander Cockburn"
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Just had that moment when you realize the two drunk women shoving all their money down your clothes were your middle school teachers...
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
ill drive you to the airport today if we can have sex first
i left yesterday
ill pick you up from the airport on sunday if we can have sex after
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
I smell Vodka. It's me. If anyone asks it's totally hand sanitizer.
Randomize
