Im so ripped right now that i just filled the almost empty bottle of choc syrup with milk and drank it straight out of the bottle. It was on pointttttt.
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
we kept pushing you at the prospective students saying go for it, itll make them want to come here
you kept yelling THIS ONES FOR THE ADMISSIONS OFFICE and then youd go in for the kill
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
When I realised he had a girlfriend I just started telling them about my ex and how I write poetry about him. Which I then read to them. They just gave me pity looks and left me to finish my spliff alone.
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
you were afraid hed set himself on fire so you dumped a box of baking soda on him
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
You just kept yelling "you ain't got no pancake mix." to the tv screen
thought i saw a dude in a kilt yesterday, but then i realized he was doing a walk of shame. happy st. paddy's day.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
