May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
you knoww youre high when you are just as concerned as the contestants on ultimate cake off as they move their 250 lbs cake over the ramp
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
Me and mom just bonded over our mutual desire to bang Mark Ruffalo. I'm not sure how to feel about this.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
I still think he’s a fuckboy but he’s nice to me when I’m over.\nLike sets alarms for me in the morning and always makes sure I cum.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
Randomize
