Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Hooked up with a girl in the dorm laundry room tonight. And got invited to go to Vegas for free. That's how today's going.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
