I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
Does my status still say I suck cocks? I don't know how to change it
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
You'd be so proud. I have the flu/sore throat, so I've tied a scarf around my head and I'm microwaving jagerbombs. Let it never be said I'm not commited.
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
B. I found a note on my phone and all it says is 'Fuck yeah im a racecar'
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
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