I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Its ok. Im having a low day. About to mix cake mix with milk and drink it.
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
A BJ like that needs to be recommended.
Well he walked in last night, yelled at me for not playing any music and started dancing.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Doing a small happy dance cause my cocaine successfully went through airport security
I'm still home, my life isn't together. Currently drying my pants
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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