Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
You're completely useless in the revolution.
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
i was really depressed when i left the health dept this morning after i had to write a higher number next to "partners" than "age"
His mom showed up at my doorstep, begging me to take him back for him
Where do you find these people?
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
