4:25 am: I want you here. Ugh.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
the only time i'm productive on weed is when i drink.
2nd night home for break and we had to call the fire department to keep the house from burning down. At this rate I'll be lucky to see you next semester.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
Also, am I the only one who noticed he didn't fuck you until after you were technically a cripple? Or am I reading into this too much? Congrats on that btw
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Randomize
