please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
just got a rotting pancake and bacon in the mail from your address....
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
Just witnessed a fat waitress doing whipits in the back of a waffle house.. my life seems a little brighter..
all I'm saying is if you're gonna fuck a fat chick do it in a pool it's like zero gravity or something
how did you graduate high school
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
Randomize
