I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Were taking tot shots. If toddlers could drink these are the size of shots they would take
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I'd recommend you leave that level of crazy to the experts. I'd start with an under appreciated soccer mom if I were you.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
Im hitting on this chick at a stoplight when all the sudden. i notice this chick blowing some dude in the backseat.
You helped blow my nose... Ok it's safe to say we are on a new level of relationship..
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
