I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
She pulled out a handful of chest hair. And then gave the room a Brave Heartesque speech.
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I'm going to book club and then I'm going to get laid. Being in your 20s ain't so bad sometimes.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Dude no i feel my liver disintegrating
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
