my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
You passed out in the bathroom with the door locked. Had to take a shit in your litter box. Don't worry, your cat buried it for me.
I think he thought he was a gentleman because he bought me the most expensive plan b at cvs
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
4:37 am. You're wearing underwear and carpet skates. Borderline crying. You want to punch Morgan. Have not stopped singing Give Your Heart a Break.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
