I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
apparently the secret to your success is patron
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I am moving slowly w him. I havent even masturbated to him yet.
I do. There's a bald headed guy whose kinda hot. I might rub his head. I've only had 2 beers
Green mimosas i think yes
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
Randomize
