I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i felt horrible..i wanted to somehow give him his vcard back
that's a non refundable transaction sweetheart
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
they're both coked to the gills having a shouting match about the powers and abilities of godzilla. and using the wikipedia entry on the topic to support their respective arguments.
There are a bunch of highly educated, advanced in their field, PUSSY ASS BITCHES in this bar
I began mixing captain Morgan and jack daniels and called it captain jack sparrow. I puked. a lot.
You carried me up the stairs after I told you not to. And what did you tell me? "Let me test my strengths."
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
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