Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
I had new employee orientation at the YMCA today. I showed up with a hangover, a black eye, scratches down my arm, and a sore throat from puking gin and keystone.
2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I'm bakin' bread in my pussy!
What?
I have a yeast infection.
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
My little brother got home at 4am too, we drunk ate together. It was a kodak moment.
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
I found my weird threshold when Truth or Dare became everyone get naked and snort Adderall off the kitchen counter.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Randomize
