the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
I had a great penis washing session in the sink before I left. Washed off all the bar and green beer
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
She took the bride and groom figures and the top layer of their cake and tried to walk out of the reception with it in her purse.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
Randomize
