I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
For a limited time only, free special muffin with the referral of a loyal dro customer! Have it for breakfast and be happy off your ass all day! Guaranteed! New member must buy at least an eighth. Oh and O's are on sale for 280.
You. Win. At. Life.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
This week I fucked a police officer and called both the Senators from the state I'm in and the one I'm moving to. What have you done since the election?
Randomize
