do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
It was like getting head from an anaconda
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
The good news is I managed to avoid the three cop car looking for me. The bad news is I no longer have shoes.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
They only searched every other person. But I sacrificed myself to get our vodka across the border
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
Did that sound smart? Cuz beneath the boozy exterior beats the heart of a fucking scientist.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
