I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
At our floor meeting the RA was talking about bathroom hygiene and I really wanted to be like "what about shower sex."
Valid question
I told you all we needed steroids to survive the tour de franzia, like the bikers. But nobody listened...
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Do you wanna do something, or just stare at each other and fantasize about death like we usually do
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Drunk. Send nudes. Just curious.
Randomize
