I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
All she was asking was for you to describe your coat so she could get it, but you kept yelling at her so the security threw you out.
I could seriously attempt to try and saw my head in half with a butter knife cause im pretty sure it could not hurt any more than it already does
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I'm eating go-gurt and drinking beer alone in the dark. This is why you shouldn't marry young.
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
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