she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
Hopefully the semester will be over before she has a breakout. Then I can just avoid the situation entirely
just dropped my bong into 7 pieces, and carried the glass shards around my house. dad saw the blood dripping down my arms, and asked if i slit my wrists. way too high to laugh at this.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
The pet store wouldn't sell us fish because they said they could tell we were drunk.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Well, I'm off to go seduce a gay man. In 10 years when I'm 300 pounds, sitting in a mumu surrounded by my 500 cats, remind me of this text. That way I can be like "ohhh THERE'S where I went wrong!!"
you puked on the porch, i can see your jacket on the floor next to your underwear. i know your home, unchain the door, you're the worst roommate ever.
we managed to melt a few different forms of plastic into the cannibutter....
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
We were fucking in the boat on the lake when another boat saw us and honked their appreciation.
Dude, he danced with the dog that some random chick was carrying at the bar. Then the dog jumped out of his arms and ran away. THAT definitely deserves a drink.
uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
