We just followed a woman home because she looked like Jeff Goldblum. Turns out she lives in a trailer park.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
You yelled "GET TO DA CHOPPA" and burst through her screen door and disappeared into the night. With the goose.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
I vaguely remember seeing that couple making out in front of that store and i yelled "I ALSO LOVE THE ROCKY MOUNTAIN SOAP COMPANY!"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
You're not married and none of these idiots are committing to you so whore it up on whore island
Can we go to pirate hooker whore island then
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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