So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
i've been called drunk 4 times today and it's only 3pm
Have invented new cocktail. Any flavor of crystal light and vodka. I call it "I am going to die alone"
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
I think I just sold a snake to a stoned teenager.
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
My period started right as he was entering, which really helped me sell the "I've never done this before" bit.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
I just got a rock from a customer. Weirdest. Tip. Ever.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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