I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I lost the right to judge tonight
There is eyeliner on my toilet. Vodka and I have a love hate relationship.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
Remember that Czech tennis player I brought home from beer pong and banged on your couch last year? He just booty calle me. From the Czech Republic.
Randomize
