Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
I think I just fucked my first person born during the Clinton administration
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
I'm gunna wear a purple dress, so if you see someone looking confused and lost wearing purple it's probably me
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