I just made $100 from people paying me not to get naked at the party... I need those P90X dvds
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
I left boob prints on the hood of his car. Something to remember me by.
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
PLEASE DON'T BE HEARTLESS COME AND GET ME FROM THE BAR I'M HIGH AS SHIT AND I LOST MY SHOES
So heartbroken my rebound has a rebound
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
your were asleep with people making out on top of you. you didn't even look bothered by it.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
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