i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
i'm having a wet tshirt contest with myself and yet i'm still losing
every time i wear that dress i get kicked out of a bar.
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
josh has a chalupa in his pocket if you're hungry.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
