She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
I just remembered before I gave him head I couldn't find a hair tie and he offered to hold my hair up. Maybe we were wrong.. Maybe he does have a heart.
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
i don't care what you say, the winery is open and 10am is NOT too early to go barrel tasting
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Randomize
