Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
I walked into a McDonalds at 8:30 am with a half-eaten apple and a solo cup. Never felt so judged.
It's gameday bitch. Man up.
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
i now understand why vodka
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
I wanna get to the point where I can just send a question mark and get an exclamation point in response
Randomize
