Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
Either I'm paranoid or I swear my parents rigged my house so you can never sneak in or have the munchies without being loud.
You were so drunk last night you left the bar to go buy a razor so you could go home with him
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
