If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
I vaguely remember you trying to make me a casserole with marshmallows and a can of beer.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
If I pissed all over some chicks bed I would probably apologize for getting so wasted, not putting out, and turning into a god damn R. Kelly Cinderella... Not ask for coffee and a ride home.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
I have work in an hour and I'm having trouble with concepts such as 'staying upright' and 'staying conscious'. Tie me to your wrist next time we go out drinking,
Got a snapchat from Megan last night showing you sobbing about a burrito on the floor with Dan in the background trying not to laugh his ass off
You are not the cause of late onset lesbianism.
Depends how u look at it. Half-full, half-empty, or how should I shave my pubes
Randomize
