i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
My liver can't handle being unemployed!
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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