god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
there's a picture of you and pauly shore at a starbucks on my phone
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Stop whining I left you with whiskey
YOU LEFT ME WITH WHISKEY ALONE IN A CABIN IN THE MIDDLE OF NOWHERE I AM GOING TO DIE.
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
He hasn't texted me back since last week when we sexted. I think telling him I wanted to choke him with chains was a bit much for our first time.
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
SO DRUNK
PUKED IN DRIVEWAY
TELL PARENTS SORRY
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
I walked past his mum on the way out and she offered me toast in a napkin "for my travels". Being home from uni is weird.
I just named someones junk. I should not be allowed to talk to people.
Randomize
