it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Getting high on the stoop of a brownstone in the middle oh harlem. Doesn't get much more hey arnold than this.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
We laughed. We cried. We came everywhere.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
