I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
The police report said that there were 25 cases of bud light, two hookers fighting in the street, 13 cop cars, and two road blocks, a kid got tazered, another got maced, and over a hundred people in the house
So that means its a bad thing that your dad found it huh?
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
Come over. But instead of sex, will you rub anti itch cream all over my face?
Just realized I chose a bacon cheeseburger over sex last night
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
Never in my life did I think i would give a blow job in the bathroom of my old elementary school. Twice.
WEED BROWNIES! He put weed in my brownie mix! And he got it from YYYYOOOOUUUU!
Look at the bright side mom. After 20 years dad is still capable of surprising you!
Shut up Max.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
He’s only in town today and our afternoon sex sesh kept getting interrupted by the neighbor’s kid yelling and screaming in the pool
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