um. i met him on myspace...we text now, he lives down the street
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Haha, you kept saying the cop was going to give you a ride home b/c "that's his job, it's summer."
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
I dont feel as bad coming home this baked because I gave my 14 year old sister a no drugs talk last night.
I just had to explain to my 62 year old advisor what "tea-bagging" was in the middle of her lecture. I smell extra credit. And maybe a demonstration.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
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