I've decided that I only have enough money to either eat or drink over the next month. I'm sure you know what choice I've made.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
As a 47 yo who just boned a 22 yo, it was definitely a walk of pride. She is a major feather in my aging cap.
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Randomize
