omg, I know. It's so embarrassing that we've both had his penis in parts of our bodies
Hey a mouth doesn't really count. A vagina counts more.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
The guy you hooked up with is asleep in the tub. I just pee'd and he said 'turn off the tap' before snoring again.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
Dude. I am seriously trying SO hard not to be amused by Honey Boo Boo. But the fact is, she just got a mani pedi with her gay uncle Poodle, and he got a discount because he only has nine toes, and I am ALL IN.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
You threw a beachball full of vodka at me and yelled I CHOOSE YOU then ran
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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