Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
The puppy is a lightweight. 3 beers and he's passed out on the floor already. I repeat, the puppy is a lightweight.
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
Apparently we both projectiled on Erin at the same time.
That's some true roommate bonding right there.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I believe you can. But if you can have rum with breakfast then do that. Definitely do that.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
would it be okay if I showed up at your house naked? and is your door unlocked?
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
