shes about as inviting as chlamydia
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I mean what are real friends for if they won't hold down your wedding dress to allow for a keg stand
This is embarrassing but i think i might have left my fake tooth at your house on your night stand.
he had shaved armpits. I repeat: HE SHAVED. HIS. ARMPITS! First hookup of 2014 and it's with a weirdo. Alcohol:1 Me:0
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
just woke up on my patio with a mouse eating cheetos off mys chest. youre all assholes.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
It's a shame things ended how they did. We were well on our way to transforming from acquaintances with benefits to friends with benefits.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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