When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
"auto-tuned camel" is how i'd describe the noises she made
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I didn't tell that thing I wasn't coming over. Whoops
You know you haven't dated in a while when you call boys "that thing" and call dates "a boy type thing."
i woke up in just my thong, face first on my bed with all the lights on. how hungover do you think i felt?
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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