She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
i feel like the wall was a canvas for his penis.
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
Dude hobos go hard. I learned a lot last night.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Randomize
