I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
I honestly get shocked all over again every time I pull his pants down. It's one of those feelings you never get tired of.
She gave me a foot massage with her tongue. I think we're both scarred for life.
I remember sitting there at the toilet, bleeding everywhere and thinking, "I walked from my bedroom to here. What happened?"
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
I will take a blow job from a dude that kinda looks like a girl at this point
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Closed my eyes in the shower and got really dizzy. Not sure if neurological or result of 4 day vodka binge. Send help.
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
Randomize
