you announced to the whole room that instead of shaving you were planning to start straightening and then braiding your pubes. awkward silence followed by everyone leaving.
I just had the ultimate walk of shame. I'm barefoot, in his gym short with vomit in my hair and I walked half a mile through campus. At noon. Thanks for picking up ur phone
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
We made a drinking game out of poaching eggs. When did our life turn into a really awesome version of Top Chef?
don't get me wrong, i love how you're fun and free spirited. but there are some situations...like shooting down a bottle of sambuca standing in the shallow end topless surrounded by my friends
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
Is that a tongue signal to get over there? That's how my two heads are taking it.
She's on her way over to shave my year round sweater vest into a festive argyle sweater vest. Keeper?
I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
Her four year old daughter walked up to me grabbed my junk and said "this will be in mommy later." Wtf?
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
please tell me you're the one making all the weird noise in the yard..
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
Randomize
