I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
judging by the pasta sauce and dirty pans i spent my blackout being emeril
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
there is a guy passed out on top of me and i don't know what to do. help if you're awake? was anyone anyone expecting someone? maybe he found the wrong room?
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I'm tired of being known as the Great Giver Goddess of the Almighty Pity Bone.
He was gunna drive a half hour for a makeout sesh. Time to take the diapers off and learn about the wonders of the penis, dude
I remember climbing onto your table and singing"tequila tequila" into your candlesticks. I apologize.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
Goddamn right, I may not survive the apocalypse, but my eyebrows fucking will.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
Randomize
