you do realize eating doritos and gatorade as a breakfast hangover cure is only acceptable for one more month - then we have to grow up
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
Think I can pull off edward 40 hands before class?
You might end up in the wrong class.
I'm a COM major, they're all the wrong class.
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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