The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I don't understand why we need a holiday to become more aware of boobs...
Its as if he has to do the exact opposite of what I tell him. Don't come in my eye, pfshh it's in my eye. Don't come on the cat, pfshh it's on the cat.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
ok it turns out chain mail does not protect against falling down a flight of stairs. please send help.
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
I almost died in that meeting. Nearly dried up and blew away in the pure powder form of boredom
I know that feel bro
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
If the ex isent in town and im crying under a table somewhere because of it can we go to a drag show or something
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
her idea of a romantic time is a bottle of jager, some Guacamole and chips.
can't go wrong with guac.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
