i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
If you feel like laying around and watching a movie, that's where I'll be for the next several hours not moving, blaming others, and generally feeling sorry for myself.
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
It's next to that place that has cock fighting.
Randomize
