the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
handjobs have no place on a baseball diamond
If you're not washing nut sweat off of your forehead this morning I'm disappointed in you
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
Eye surgery went well. Just can't believe it took getting lasers through my eyes to temporarily stop the vivid sex dreams I was having
There should be a rule. If your dick is under 6 inches, you are not allowed to dress as Thor.
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
For starters i called the cops on myself for trying to destroy the ladys decorations
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
Randomize
