VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I just saw an old lady yelling at a dead pigeon for leaving the oven on.
I just scratched behind my ear and found icing. Fuck you.
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
and then you looked me right in the eyes and said "i just really wanna pet some horses right now"
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
Jk probs not coming. Tequila
I figured if he was OK cheating on his gf with a guy, he'd be OK with me posting his number to m4m Craigslist Ads
Are there rules against fucking your ex's dealer?
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
